Citizen of Paradise

I know for sure that I am a sinner, and only one thing I know with more certainty—that Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, and, whether I believe it or not, I am the first.

People may praise me, and for a second or two I may forget myself and feel glad. Then I remember, and I know that they are giving me bricks to lay on what they think is my foundation, but in me there is no foundation, not even a poor one. I know that; they don’t.

I may sometimes even do worse things. I may praise myself, trying to amass bricks of gold, not to lay on a foundation that isn’t there, but to store in a strong box that has already been plundered and no longer even has a lock. The greatest earthly riches cannot console me.

Faced with the fact of sin, with the temptation to descend into its filth, put a bible in front of me, and some worldly seduction, side by side, the bible gleaming, the seduction luring to shadow, and left to myself, shunning the God who would tear the net, I let myself be caught in it.

The bible is there, right in front of me. I know much of it by heart. Yet my heart treads water, as I stand in a pool of my own blood, grumbling like Israel in the wilderness, refusing to enter a land of delight, even while praying, ‘make me again a citizen of Paradise.’

O God! Your Word, I confess, is Truth, yet I cannot arise by my own efforts. Nothing I can do is any help. Running to You for strength, my weak soul pines for the liberty of hell, as my eyes are captured by its false promises. Run to meet me, as You always do, and carry me.

I have lost everything, only to know that all that I had was and is and always would be worth nothing. In You alone are the riches of freedom, of love and of peace, freely given to all who come to You, through the Opening torn in the veil of this world, Your Son’s Body.

Yes, Lord, I am the one who was made in Your image, though I am scarred by my transgressions. On Your creation, O Master, take pity, cleanse me by Your compassion, and once again make me a citizen of Paradise.
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Serpent's prayer

Tear us away from our deaf deadness, O Lord.
Liberate us like newly molted serpents
from our tight, scaly skins.
Unstop our ears
that we may hear Thy unsettling sayings
and receive Thee,
the living flame of Love,
transforming our cold blood
to internal, eternal Fire.
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For the Church

Lord, how quickly and easily we get corrupted!

It’s easy to see what should be the form of the church, what should be its ministries, its worship, its lifestyle, from reading the gospels, the acts, and the epistles. Yet, we somehow always drift away from that which spiritual logic indicates and into the paths of our own devices.

In the first generation, we know that the holy apostles were set aside by You and they themselves accepted this, that they should have a ministry based on what was given to them, and that is what they lived for. Their daily needs were taken care of in whatever way each day afforded, whether some of them did manual work for their living as well as preaching, or when the Spirit had them preach or minister so totally that the church, that is, the people to whom they ministered, taught, evangelized and so forth, helped them out with their daily bread and a place to sleep. The same was true of all those whom the Spirit touched: they lived for You and the spreading of Your gospel, for the making of disciples of all nations. They had no private lives or needs, for what could be private to them who had given up everything to follow You?

And so it was through the ages and so it is today.
The apostolic life can no more change than You can.

The lifestyle of the flock, the members of the church, also flows logically from the gospels, the acts, and the epistles. If we stayed in the scriptures, our lives and lifestyles would flow out of and be formed by the same spiritual logic. We would all minister to one another from our abilities according to each other’s needs.

The form of the church outwardly in various ages has wavered between what is formed by the spiritual logic of the scriptures, and what we want to make of them to fit our own imagined needs, which are really wants. In most of our history, those who were called or set apart to minister, still supported themselves by the work of their hands, to the extent of their real needs. Married priests had to farm, or do crafts, or teach, to earn their earthly keep and support their families. To the extent that they put themselves out to do the church services they were recompensed out of what their flock had and were willing to offer. Themselves, even when married, remained in actual fact not just in name, servants of the people of God, without private lives or privileges. Only those who gave themselves over completely to the needs of the church, and whose work really took up all their time, were supported out of common funds, and that only according to their needs, not their wants. But how quickly and easily these ways were corrupted, both in West and East. And at the present day, the ways of the church have so far drifted into the ways of man and so distant from Your ways, Lord, that we cannot even recognize, in the light of the logic of your Word, anything of the true in what we see in the church. We have drifted so far, that to even speak as I am now, is considered foolishness or even heresy. But You, Lord, know what You gave us, what Your holy apostles handed over to us, and what we have done with it.

Grant us, Lord, mercy in these last days, and let Your servants find the way of life that You have clearly revealed in Your holy scriptures, and deliver us from ourselves and our selfish plight. In the time that is left to us, help us to live as You live, so we will be ready to meet You without fear at Your second and glorious coming.

Come, Lord Jesus.
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